Good-bye, dear Mother” is the hardest good-bye to endure.
Good-bye to the body that was the chamber of your becoming.
Good-bye to hands that fed, bathed and clothed you.
Good-bye to the woman who wanted so much from you—too much, most of
the time.
To a life that modeled what your life would become, you say, “good-bye.”
To her personal losses you didn't understand, to her dreams she never talked
about, to her silence that hid her identity, you say, “good-bye.”
Good-bye to the children you shared and who wonder where their granny is. To
her aging body that could no longer reach or lift or clean or shop, you say,
“good-bye.”
You bid the mother farewell to a place where her body is made whole, her life is
adorned, her dreams are complete and her presence is honored in the midst of
angels and saints, where she always belonged.
Reason 125 Page 143
Commentary:
Of all the relationship we will ever have ‘motherhood’ is the
+ longest
+ deepest
+ and most complex.
Both mother and child want so much from each other. ‘Mothers’ know that their value as a woman is judged by the lives of her children. Children want their mothers to be a source of pride and validation of their loveableness. The mother-child complexities extend into the adult life of every daughter and son. Daughters are expected to reflect their mother’s willingness to leave herself behind. Sons are expected to make-up for the ‘sins of their fathers’and may become the protector of her life. Surprisingly, both sons and daughters, grieve more over the ‘lives’ of their mothers than her actual death.
As children become caregivers to their aging mothers their shared-woundedness can complicate their grief. If we are wise we can use the twilight of our mother’s life to discover the parts of her we never knew. Re-remembering her life may include:
+ the dreams she left behind
+ her exhaustion from too much responsibility
+ the creative ways she survived
+ the anger she couldn’t find words to express
+ the expectations of her life that were unrealistic
+ the hunger for intimacy that was never satisfied
+ the valiant spirit she maintained no matter how difficult her life became.
Saying ‘good bye’ to our mothers invites every child to reinvision their own lives. This transformation was beautifully portrayed in the movie: The Bridge of Madison County. A son and daughter found their personal peace after reading their mother’s diary that tells her life’s story in her-own-words.
We must all say ‘good-bye’ to our mothers and this loss could become the great reconciliation of childhood pain and mature forgiveness.
From: Kiss Your Life by Ann Mody Lewis, Ph, D Reason 125 Page 143
