What do you know about the man you love?
Do you know that he hungered for a mother’s love and a father’s guidance?
Do you know how deeply he wants a woman to be his, exclusively? His own
children can even be a threat.
Do you know how frightened he is to be a father,
because his own father treated him like a man, instead of a son?
Do you know his mother may have expected him to be too perfect and too much for her,
because her husband was so inadequate and distant?
Do you know that the man you love may confuse sex with love and closeness?
As he hides his emotions, he calls himself healthy.
As he burns himself out seeking financial success, he calls himself powerful.
As he objectifies women, he calls himself a lover.
The man you love is ruled by more than you see and more than you realize.
Read about what our culture has done to him. Like you, socialization has made
him a stranger to himself.
Know him deeply to love him completely.
Reason: 153 Page: 171 From: Kiss Your Life By: Dr. Ann Mody Lewis, Ph.D
Commentary:
There is a ‘knowing’ that only-time-will-reveal but there is a ‘knowing’ that beacons our attention during uneventful moments. Reactions, attitudes and values expose the soul-of-who-we-are. This intuitive knowing will alert your consciousness to take notice of what ‘human presence’ is telling you. Will you give serious consideration to the voice of intuition or cling to your dream-of-love without facing its reality? Kalil Gibran writes in ‘The Prophet’:
“When you meet your friend on the
roadside or in the market place,
let the spirit in you move your lips
and direct your tongue.
Let the voice within your voice speak
to the ear of his ear”…
A woman who wants to love a man may not wait long enough to ‘know’ him. Long before her maturity she learned to make loving more important than ‘knowing’. She may tell herself:
- My love will change him.
- My patience can endure him.
- Culture tells me to make excuses for him.
- My conscience is timid about challenging him.
Her silence merely avoids the essential qualities of love.
Because of gender conditioning men and women have different ideas of what it mean to be ‘known’. He may not ‘know’ himself deeply or recognize the importance of self-revelation. Masculinity has taught him to be a ‘mystery’ that is comfortable hiding in obscurity in order to protect the separateness that keeps him in control. Transparency may feel like a loss of manhood.
To ‘know the man you love’ makes ‘knowing’ a requirement of health love.
- Give yourself time to discuss what troubles and confuses you.
- Want to ‘know’ him in order to love him.
- Define your needs and be willing to speak for them.
- Be willing to ‘walk away’ if what you ‘know’ is not what you can love.
A man who is comfortable ‘being known’ is the man you ‘want-to-love!
