Your father was gone, even when he was there. Feeling unworthy of you;
feeling inadequate of parenting you, he stepped aside leaving you to
wonder, why? Why wasn’t he my friend?
You tried to engage him by being what he needed, by emulating him. It worked
for a while and then he slipped away, again. As womanhood approached, you
felt fatherless.
You promised yourself that you would find another man to fill the void, and
this time, you would make it work.
Grieve to understand this primal loss and the mystery of the man you called
“Father.”
Reason: 47 Page: 65 From: Kiss your Life
By: Dr. Ann Mody Lewis, Ph. D
Father:
Commentary
Every man carries within himself a ‘wounded father’.
He is:
+ The son who didn’t know his father.
+ The man who was afraid care for his children.
+ The husband who feels less worthy than his wife.
+ The father who hides behind his work and importance
+ The man who wasn’t sure he wanted to be a father at all.
The ‘wounded father’ is the mysterious man children watch and wonder about. His mystery becomes their pain. The legacy of woundedness is passed from generation to generation leaving sons wandering alone looking for love and direction.
The absence of fathers from families is one of the great underestimated tragedies of our time. If men are going to change the world they must understand the ‘wounded father’. He must find ways of being male that reflect a richer, fuller sense of self than the distorted image of manhood he carries from the past. Finding the good in his father will help to feel good about himself. Identifying the bad about his father will help him to change himself.
When he has expanded his manhood beyond his father’s limitations he can pray for the man he wanted to love:
Lord, shepherd my dad today
in green pastures let him lay
To still waters guide his way
Restoreth his soul, I pray
Lead him in the path of right
Through the valley give him light
When he is afraid ease his fright
With Thy rod and staff lend might
Prepare a table of spoil
Anoint his head with oil
Give to him a cap that’s royal
Let goodness follow his toil
And Thy mercy cease never
May he dwell in Thy house forever.
Anonymous
This month’s topic may be an awakening for sons and daughters who wonder about the ‘forgotten parent’ they call father.