When you toss and turn at night worrying about the welfare of your child; as you frantically harbor guilt because you are employed, as you hung the house key around your child's neck, as you listen to your mother and friends remind you that a stay-at-home mom is the best mom, remember that your children have a higher power that will enable them to learn about life from observation and experience.
Their higher power will challenge them to use their creativity to solve their problems and protect their happiness whenever necessary. Your love can encourage them to appreciate their talents and accomplishments, but only life can teach them to use their power.
Your friendship can guide their inexperience and teach them to enjoy who they are, but it should never dismiss their higher power. If your children could choose a best friend, would it be you?
Being your child's best friend is remembering that coming from you doesn't mean belonging to you.
Kiss Your Life... 365 Reasons to Love Who You Are
By: Ann Mody Lewis, Ph.D.
Reason: 38 Page: 56
Commentary:
Being a parent is a heavy responsibility that can feel oppressive to adults who are alone and stressed by economical or personal problems. Parents are expected to:
- guide
- provide
- be responsible for and
- love their children.
The pressure of trying to be an awesome-parent, who can raise awesome-kids, may overshadow the privilege of being a child's 'best friend.' They can easily forget the greatest gift to their child is 'friendship.' It costs nothing, because it flows from a respectful heart that is vigilant but sensitive, clear but empathetic, patient but challenging.
In a recent interview with Time Magazine, Adele, the iconic figure in ‘Music’ described parenting her son in this way: “He makes me so proud of myself, and he makes me like myself so much. I’ve never not liked myself. I don’t have hang-ups like that, but I’m so proud of myself that I made him in my belly… I can’t wait to know who his best friends are going to be, who is girlfriend or his boyfriend is going to be or what movies he likes… Whatever my kid wants to do or be I will always support him no matter what.”
Friendship, not authority, makes parents emotionally safe for their children.
The words of Albert Camus portray parental friendship beautifully:
“Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead.
Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow.
Just walk beside me and be my friend.”
Parents who fear being disempowered by friendship should remember THEY are their child's 'first friend.'
Parents who are emotionally safe, can influence.
Parents who want to learn, are humbled.
Parents who love to watch, will grow.
Parents who can listen, will understand.
January's discussion will expand our understanding of parenthood and hopefully help us appreciate that its gifts far outweigh the burden of responsibilities.
Topics to be discussed: The unique qualities of parental friendship. How does friendship empower parents? How does parental friendship build the self-esteem of children? How does parental friendship set the stage of our emotional life?
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