Myth of Marriage
Women fall deep in love with the myth of marriage. It is easy to believe in as an ideal, but as a reality, it is full of complications.
The ideals of marriage are presented to you as your highest purpose and greatest accomplishment. It promises that love will elevate you. Your sacrifice is blissful and companionship will ward off the loneliness you fear.
From the beginning of your life, marriage is presented to you for internalization through the modeling of your mother, the toys you played with and the behaviors that are rewarded.
Now, for you to undo the wrongdoing is difficult, but it is important to your survival and the marriage you share.
Marriage is the most influential relationship you will ever share. Before you walk through its doors, you must negotiate your economic autonomy, your professional prosperity and your emotional well-being. It will be the hardest relationship you ever negotiate and a major step toward resocialization. Those of you who dare to approach marriage realistically will realize that it can be an opportunity like no other because it is about life, not entrapment. A marriage that models equality for their children will cast a new ideal for their children.
When you are planning a marriage, remain present to yourself and the realities of human love.
Ethel Specter-Pearson puts it this way: "For some of us, love will be the greatest creative triumph of our lives.
Kiss Your Life... 365 Reasons to Love Who You Are
By: Ann Mody Lewis, Ph.D.
Reason: 207 Page: 225
Whitney Houston tells a woman's story when she sings:
I Wanna Dance With Somebody...
I Wanna Dance With Somebody
Oh! Wanna dance with somebody
I wanna feel the heat with somebody
Yeah! Wanna dance with somebody
with somebody who loves me
I've been in love and lost my senses
Spinning through the town
Soon or later the fever ends
And I wind up feeling down
I need a man who'll take a chance
On a love that burns hot enough to last
So when the night falls
My lonely heart calls
The myth of marriage prepares young girls for a life of meaning. It's a utopian dream of love that captivates their identity early in life. This dream of marriage is culturally manufactured by parents, media, toys, religions and institutions. It becomes her identity and destiny. Marriage is her fulfillment and validation to womanhood. The absence of her father will add fuel to this flaming fire of desire. No wonder she sings... I Wanna Dance With Somebody.
The myth of marriage holds far less glamour for men. Men view marriage with much more skepticism, because it represents loss for them. They are less free to do as they please, explore sexual possibilities, keep their money, and cultivate a detached lifestyle. Men do not idealize marriage as women do; so they usually resist the idea, even if they're in love. If we were honest, we might admit that men have a much more realistic notion of marriage.
So, where does the truth about marriage lie? Rather than a myth, marriage should be seen as an ideal! Its challenges force men and women to move beyond cultural expectations that are the breeding ground for gender misconception: Men are more interested in sex and money. Women are possessive, more loving, but emotionally complicated. These gender myths drive a wedge between them, making them intimate strangers, even when they want to be so much more to each other.
This writing by Henry Fonda describes marriage realistically:
"Coming together is a Beginning...
Keeping together is Progress...
Working together is Success...."
The ideal of marriage, therefore, is not a myth but a creation of lovers! Marriage takes courage to face down what couples thought was normal and true, in order to invent what is true and workable. Modern marriage can't rely on the myths gender promotes, because they don't work. If they wanna dance together, couples will work to think together.
Perhaps the greatest achievement of this generation is creating new myths for future generations! This is why this month's topic is significant. So let's begin a new legacy of marriage that is less likely to end in tragedy!
Topics will include: Why should marriage be idealized for girls and ignored for boys? If we ignore a boy's emotional aptitude, are we setting him up for failure? Why do women feel victimized by the myth of marriage? Is there a marital style that is realistic? Why is it healthy to wanna dance with somebody?