Men have expectations of you that are truly prejudicial and you have expactation of men that are equally as such.
Should a man fail to be masculine enough, he must confront his own personal conflict and social rejection, which includes you! If he is not masculine enough, he may be disrespected and unattractive to you as a sexual partner. Maschismo is no more human than hyper-femininity.
If we can see the social entrapment of men, it may be easier to see our own.
To love a man, you must see beyond his masculinity and into his humanity. A true man has grieved the tragic effects of socialization that punish him, reject, ostracize and ridicule him if he dares to deviate from social norms we call masculinity. He is as afraid of rejection as you are, but for different reasons.
So, you see, you are more alike, you and he, than you are different.
Resocialization can make you both compassionate lovers and friends for life.
365 Reasons to Love Who You Are from the book 'Kiss Your Life'
By:Ann Mody Lewis, Ph. D
Reason: 202 Page: 220
Commentary:
“Men view themselves, consciously and unconsciously as at the top or the bottom of some hierarchy – and if at the top, needing always to remain vigilant least they fall or be thrown to the bottom.
The man on top is successful, powerful, virile, admirable, heroic, lovable, and so on. At the bottom he is weak, humiliated, impotent, shamed, cowardly, and despised – a failure.
There is a rigid either/or quality to the theme, the man feeling at times there is no third alternative.” (Terry A. Kuples, M.D.)
Cultural expectations of men dictate a man’s expectations of himself.Parent’s and significant others teach a boy what being masculine means and how not being –masculine -enough will make him suffer. I believe that parents with too many expectations of their sons can be more harmful then parents with limited expectations. Too many expectations overrule a boy’s personal identity. Limited expectations gives him the right to create his own life.
Expectations of men are generated by gender socialization. These traditions of manhood make manhood a hard and lonely road.
So what expectations thrive in the unconscious world for men? They could sound like this:
- Be so competent that mistakes are difficult to acknowledge.
- If you’re suffering no one should know about it.
- If you want love, have sex.
- If you want to be viewed a success, make lots of money.
- If someone you love needs care, they are no longer useful in your life.
- Don’t ‘feel’ because emotions are a sign of incompetence.
- A real man is always on – top.
- Be man enough to protect your male-privilege.
- Because men work so hard they have the right to break boundaries if they need to.
The obscurity of a man’s life will be made visible during this month’s discussion. What women know about the unconscious life of men will help their love. What men know about themselves will expand their life. Let’s talk.
