When you are afraid to be loved, ask yourself, "why?"
Has gender expectations made you a giver of love, but a stranger to receiving love?
Feeling your unworthiness is most apparent when someone tries to love you. You have so many ways of dismissing love:
I'm too busy
I'm too tired
I really don't need that.
"Oh, I can take care if myself!" you tell your lover. Why are you afraid?
Your resistance to love is a clear sign that you feel unworthy of it.
You don't have to earn love; it is a gift to you. Whatever fear tells you about love is a lie.
The lies of fear are strangers that must be understood to be dismissed!
You were made to be loved, but only when you surrender to love will you become the the lover extraordinaire!
Kiss Your Life... 365 Reasons to Love Who You Are
By: Ann Mody Lewis, Ph.D.
Reason: 122 Page: 140
There is hardly anyone who would ever say: “I don’t want to be loved.” It may be safe to say, however, love is our ‘deepest desire and greatest fear.’
Initially, we idealize love, imagining it will make us happy, complete, acceptable, admirable and secure.
We gradually discover that love wants a lot from us. It wants us to adjust our ways, face our demons and let ourselves be known. In our maturity we learn the attractiveness of love is laced with pain of loss, abandonment and rejection, so fear becomes our protector.
What shall we do? Shall we run, or stay and fight? Can we reconcile fear and love? Love will test the bravery of our heart and the depth of conviction like no other emotion. Fighters will find reasons to face their fear. Lovers, with conviction, will remember why they want to win. Brave hearts may not know the endings of their struggle, but they trust the power of love.
John Lennon wrote: “When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance.” This kind of bravery is why, Lennon adds: “…learn to love yourself first, in all your glory and imperfections.”
The work it takes to reach self- acceptance will expand your compassion and humble your soul. “When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.” Audre Lorde
And finally I say: “Don’t fear love, fear life without it.” (aml)
This month’s discussion takes us to the source of mental health…love. Topic to be discussed is:
Making fear work.
Why the fear-of-love may obscure the desire-for-love?
How old fears obstruct new love?
Do men and women fear love differently?
Let’s talk, so we can live completely! Ann